The Way There

• Canyon? Is that up north?
• Oh, it’s past Twig, just south of Cotton, gotcha!
• I didn’t know they had a haunted thingy out there.
• How the hell do you get to it?
• No, I have never heard of the Dawghouse Bar & Grill, but I assume it is near the hollow?
• Okay — park at the Dawghouse and a bus will shuttle us to the actual attraction.
• I’m not super sure how this is going to be set up … but I guess we are just gonna have to go and find out.

First Impressions

• Canyon is farther than I thought.
• Why isn’t my boyfriend turning on the heat in the car, I can’t feel my feet.
• What if I pee my pants and all the actors laugh at me?
• That would be a scary experience in itself.
• We are finally at the Dawghouse. I don’t like how the dog on the sign is looking at me.

Arrival

• Why is it warmer outside than it was in the car?
• I enjoy that the shuttle bus taking us from the Dawghouse to the actual attraction looks like the school bus from the movie Trick ’r Treat. You know the one? The movie where the bus driver killed all those kids?
• The bus driver is really nice … I no longer feel like I am in Trick ’r Treat.
• Is this all outside?
• How did I not know this whole thing was an outside walk through the woods?
• Why did my boyfriend think this was a hayride? He looks disappointed.
• We have to buy tickets over there.
• What do you mean I have to sign a waiver before we go in? What are they going to do to me?
• No, I don’t just want to go back. Let’s just sign it and go through it. I have accepted that I am probably gonna die tonight so let’s get it over with.
• Yes, I understand all the rules: No food, no drink, the safe word is “jack-o-lantern” and I can’t touch the actors.

Entering the Hollow

• I touched the actor.
• I apologized so it is okay … it was just a small, forceful push because I thought he was threatening my way of life. That’s all.
• What a pretty walk, I am enjoying … what do you mean we have to walk through that scary church?
• As a Catholic, I know how horrifying religion is.
• Made it through the church. God must have been on my side.
• Okay, another scary building. Oh, its a butcher shop, great.
• I am a strong independent woman who can do this.
• I’m gonna make my boyfriend go first because that’s what gentlemen do, even for strong independent women.
• Creepy lady following us, that’s fine. I am sure she is a lovely person in real life.
• This is a creative set design. I love how everything looks and I appreciate the effort people must have put into … THERE IS A PIGMAN ON THE FLOOR! FIGHT OR FLIGHT! PIG MAN ON THE FLOOR! GET OUT AS FAST AS POSSIBLE!
• Damn, I am really happy I kept my cool back there and only said the F-word three times … like a lady.
• And now, another building.
• Keeping my cool, keeping my cool. I see the two scary girls, I am aware of my surroundings.
• They are now grabbing my calves and my ankles and this is funnier than scary.
• Should I apologize for laughing? They are just doing their job and I don’t want them to doubt their spookiness.
• More cool effects! Car junkyard, yes, please!
• FIRE AT THE CAR JUNKYARD?!?! SUPER YES, PLEASE.
• The boyfriend saw cars, he is now enjoying himself.
• What do you mean it is over? I want more! What if we did it again? What do you mean I have to pay again and not just keep going like a rollercoaster at a theme park?

Closing Thoughts

• Well, this was scarier than doing my taxes for the first time.
• Probably scarier than the Haunted Ship, I think.
• The set designs were really cool and that distracted me from the frights, which I liked.
• Does that make me a nerd?
• I think that makes me a nerd.
• I was scared … but not as scared as I thought.
• My boyfriend said I was holding onto his arm really tight.
• Maybe if I tell him that I was trying to protect him he’ll buy it.
• I think we should come back next weekend.
• Did the boyfriend enjoy himself?
• He is smiling and doesn’t look dead inside so I am gonna say this was a win.
• I bet he’ll buy me a snack on the way home if I ask really nice.
• Oh thank God, he turned on the heat in the car.