While we're on the subject of people pretending to be something they're not, folks often ask me, 'Helmut, how is it you can spot rapey weirdos like Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Kevin Spacey sometimes years before the public finally catches on?'

You know what I tell them? I just do the same thing a dog does. I read the non-verbals. Take for instance when Kevin Spacey gave me the creeps -- for every movie I ever saw him in. I knew he was hiding something with that greasy smirk. A little too much catch-me-if-you-can off the glint in his eye perhaps. Or when Neil DeGrasse looked down his nose at us and threw out some sarcastic shit he'd repeated fifteen times he obviously thought was brilliant, perhaps he was simply making love to the idea of "the world's sexiest astrophysicist" while plagiarizing things he saw on the internet as he talked smack about real scientists to make himself seem smarter than he really was?

So I understand the pain, and know how shocked and appalled you all must feel when these pervy icons we so dearly trusted are outed for their reprehensible behavior, when the curtain is pulled back, but hey, at least your dog could've smelled them coming a mile away. So give them a little hug for me tonight, they know better than you.