In an effort to better serve the community, Perfect Duluth Day announced today it will convert its nearly 15-year-old website into an all-advertising format, then launch two new websites to separately serve eastern and western Duluth with neighborhood-specific features and folksy tidbits.

Executives at the website said they initially sought to create more than 20 new websites to specifically gear content to each and every neighborhood in the city, but reconsidered out of fear community members might view the move as divisive. Instead, two new websites will draw a virtual line at 21st Avenue East so people on one end of town won’t have to be burdened with stories about people from other economic and social classes.

Perfect West Duluth Day and Perfect East Duluth Day will be available to subscribers only, because that’s a proven model for success. After a few months, the websites will be merged together into a single website to better serve the community.

“It’s about telling unique stories, better informing our readers and just generally engaging people and expanding and celebrating community and synergizing and best practices and that kind of thing,” said someone with a bag over his head. “It’s an opportunity to, for example, really delve into what makes some random woman in Piedmont Heights tick. Who wouldn’t want to read that? People in East Duluth, that’s who. Now they won’t have to … for a little while … until we combine the websites to better serve the community.”

The original Perfect Duluth Day website will adapt with the change by becoming a Total Market Shopper featuring flashing advertisements, surveys powered by Google, and plenty of coupons to better serve people transported to modern times from the 20th Century.

“Media organizations are really struggling right now, so we decided to take the focus away from our bread-and-butter product and spend money on launching new things haphazardly,” said someone cleaning out her desk. “The new landscape in journalism demands creative solutions and improved efficiencies. To that end, I’ve been replaced by a caged weasel.”

The two new websites will launch at 10 a.m. on April 1 and then merge at 10:01 and probably cease operations by lunchtime.