Hillsider intern attends presentation about Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Hillsider_Editor Oct 19, 2010 13 Comments

Our Hillsider intern, Sam Elmquist, attended a presentation about Domestic Violence. Here is his post.

Power and Control Wheel

October is nationally recognized as violence against woman awareness month. In honor of this I attended a presentation about physical violence against women, more particularly about a women’s shelter here in Duluth called Safe Haven. The shelter works with men, women, and children involved in abusive relationships. Safe Haven provides a safety net which allows women caught up in abusive relationships to come and stay at the shelter, hopefully allowing them the time they need in order to try and settle themselves as individuals. Specifically they give these women a place to stay and time to figure out what it is they want to do.

Various support groups help them realize the situation they are in and give them the chance to relate with other women who are going through similar circumstances. The shelter offers women looking for help up to thirty days to figure out what it is they want to do, this is not necessarily a time limit because the shelter is willing to make exceptions for women who need more time and are seriously committed to change.

Read the whole post here.

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13 Comments

Danny G

about 14 years ago 

I don't get it.  Where are the "Bankrupt" and "Lose A Turn" pieces on that wheel?

Hillsider_Editor

about 14 years ago 

Hmm...maybe going bankrupt is under the blaming and denying section?

doubledutch

about 14 years ago 

Since this is about *awareness* I feel the need to point something out.  DV / domestic abuse isn't all about physical violence.  If you look at the wheel, that is only one of the dozens of tactics abusers use to control their partners.  

(Here's a link to a bigger/clearer version of the wheel that's easier to read: http://www.theduluthmodel.org/pdf/PhyVio.pdf)

A lot of people accept an abusive relationship dynamic (or know it's not right, but don't get help) because it's "not that bad," because they think if they're not getting hit, then it's not really abuse.

doubledutch

about 14 years ago 

I guess my point is, instead of focusing just on the physical aspect, I think it makes sense to raise awareness of the whole big picture; the cycle (including how the abuser seems like a really awesome person most of the time); the early warning signs; and the traits that make some people more vulnerable to potential abusive relationships.  There are always warning signs, but a relationship escalates from subtle manipulation tactics and slight shaming, to more blatant verbal and financial abuse, to sexual and physical abuse *over time* as the victim becomes more dependent on the abuser (because they've moved in together, or she's gotten pregnant, or the victim has become isolated from his/her family by the abuser).  That's why awareness of the big picture is important - so the victim can recognize what's happening and get out, before it escalates to physical abuse, murder or suicide.

Hillsider Newspaper editor

about 14 years ago 

doubledutch,
Thanks for your comments and for your link to the easier to read pdf of the Power and Control Wheel. Should add it to the Hillsider Blog too.

karen

about 14 years ago 

Doubledutch, thanks! I was victimized for a few years by someone who was mostly just verbally abusive (on a daily basis) (and physically abusive a couple of times too). And yes, this a person whom most people would have trouble believing behaved this way ... (and that's why I married him, cause he was sweet at first, and then I was just stuck).

Hearing what a stupid, boring whore you are every day for a couple of years really takes its toll on a person's self esteem.  I got divorced a couple of years ago, and I am finally, with a lot of soul searching, feeling really healthy again.

ladies (and gentlemen) who may be in a similar situation:  be strong, get away, don't believe the assholes, and heal....

Hillsider_Editor

about 14 years ago 

Karen, thanks for sharing with us. I think more and more people are realizing that abuse can come in the form of emotional or verbal abuse. Sometimes the verbal abuse exists for years before it escalates to violence. 

Often times the abuser can control the victim with just his or her words.

Wulfgar Jonserud

about 14 years ago 

Interesting graphic ... I've always considered "power and control" to be pretty noble objectives (for either gender).

ConcernedInTheHood

about 14 years ago 

What a spoilsport, Paul! Sock puppets are important! Sure, maybe i repair iphones and macs too (you didnt recognize me on that one, or it wasnt as sensational as outing ConcernedPoppa?) but thats my day job. i take a few swings for the fences at night, hence the short-lived but honestly fairly well intentioned hotmaids fiasco. (no women were harmed in the making of the direct for tv "hotmaids" movie, for the record) And just so you know, i post under 2-3 other pseudonyms using a really simple browser add-on called The Onion Router, or TOR that prevents you from ever effectively banning me or silencing me no matter how far your little world of censorship extends. TOR is used by Iranian dissidents to get information out of one of the most tightly digitally controlled places on earth. I think PDD better consider its credibility for real. The internet wont let truth be silenced, and i am but its humble servant. I like this place Paul, I really do. Nothing I have ever done on here was intentioned in half the ill light you always seem to cast me in. The thing is, I literally cackle reading the posts with my wife in bed at night, its better sport than anything on cable. I love Duluth, and I love PDD. I honestly was trying to warn some people about a real bad dude, and provided as much info as I could easily round up, including a link to his photo and his bureau of prisons number and status. I think you dont give your readers enough credit, let them make their own mind up. Censorship kills whole lines of potential thinking, and is almost universally decried in the modern world. Whatever, let them eat cake I guess. By the way, I am also responsible (well, me and my sweet wife, who is hip to TOR too and hangs her sockpuppets from the mantle at night) for starting most of the last super large postings on PDD paul, the plus 100+ that everybody loves to participate in. This is great fun, and by outing my avatars, you ruin the illusion. Great work Paul, you win. Feel better?

HillSam

about 14 years ago 

Thanks for sharing and developing ideas from my article. I was unable to extrapolate as much as I would've liked but I had to come to an end somewhere, which I am glad has not stopped you all from considering the expansive and tragic spectrum of violence against women.

HillSam

about 14 years ago 

In what context? When is power and control noble (for either gender)? If a woman is involved in a relationship that involves her being treated as something less then what she is, which is a woman and a human being, then where does nobility come into play?

Wulfgar Jonserud

about 14 years ago 

At risk of providing you the opportunity for further extrapolation ... I'm not challenging your position that abusing women is bad, or the spoke-and-wheel process by which it occurs. I was just making an admittedly inane and unclear semantic observation. To me an empowered, in-control man or woman is a good thing, but I do agree that dehumanizing other people is a bad practice.

doubledutch

about 14 years ago 

Um ... yes, I agree that people getting themselves under control is good!  Trying to control others is not.  In this context, it's about power and control over others. Domination, rather than partnership.

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