what does "happy" mean?

allow me to bring the room down for a moment...

last night shannon asked me, "are you ever happy?"

i didn't--still don't--know how to answer.

i have moments of absolute joy, usually while experiencing music in some form. if the bill withers' song "use me" comes on KOOL 101.7 at the right moment, i'll detach from reality and wonder aftewards how i drove from point A to point B. i struggled not to bawl--out of extreme joy--during the cmt tribute to johnny cash. crew jones made me high on wednesday.

a beer or two usually enhances such emotion. if i smoked weed, those transcendent moments might grow in depth and frequency (which is why i don't smoke weed--i already have enough trouble avoiding the gentle comfort of a couple beers for more than one day).

but what baseline exists for happiness? what does it mean to be "happy"?

can i brood, existentially ache, and be happy, all at the same time? can there be happiness in consistent, even willful, melancholy? is being "happy" necessarily better than being some other way?

it seems like such a simple concept, but i can't wrap my mind around it.